Fantastic Four (2015) Theatrical Release

Fuck the Haters

Plot:  A-hole Reed Richards irreparably deforms three of his closest friends and some vaguely foreign guy.

Score: 4 out of 5 Limbs That You Can Stretch Impossibly

Review:  I think the first thing I have to do is justify my score because I think that's what people are going to bust my balls the most about.  I liked this movie, I read a lot of hate about this movie, I read a lot of hate in the months leading up to this movie.  In many ways I think people were programmed to hate this movie which lead to a lot of stupid nit picking.  I'm not above nit picking but I typically only start nit picking when there is nothing else for my brain to hold on to.  If there is nothing of value beneath the surface than I have no choice but to focus on the surface.  So I went into this movie as open as I possibly could be, critical but open.  When so many people demand that you feel a particular way about something I think it's important to examine why.  Alright, the score.  The movie, at it's objective core, is well shot, well edited, for the most part well paced and well acted.  The scenes are composed well and I can't take anything away from the principal cast because every single one of them did the best job they could and that's obvious and any weakness in the script, I feel, is more than made up for by everything else they did well.  Just for those core competencies this movie gets a 3 out of 5.  I give it the extra point because it tried for something different.  It's success is up for debate but because it tried for something different it gets an automatic point.

Iron Man & Captain America: Heroes United (2014) Netflix

More like *stupid* Heroes United, amiright?

Rating: 1 out of 5 Iron Men United With Random Jabroni’s

Plot Synopsis:  Iron Man is united with heroes.  This time it’s Captain America.  Villains are also united and it’s Taskmaster and Red Skull.  Red Skull is kind of latched on to that whole ‘perfect race’ thing and tries to make one using Captain America’s blood.  It doesn't go well for anyone, audience included.

Iron Man & Hulk: Heroes United (2013) Netflix

Wasted potential Bros!

Rating:  2 out of 5 Practically Anonymous Hydra Scientists

Plot Synopsis:  Hulk gets captured.  Hulk is used as a power source.  Then things get really stupid.

This Season in Comic based TV

I wanted to touch on this season of shows just briefly.

This just hasn't done a lot to grab me.  The first episode was a little overwhelming with how many concepts and characters they were trying to establish.  It was good though, despite that it was a relatively solid premiere.  Since then the series has totally dropped off my radar.  The baddie-of-the-week premise is kind of lame and the overall story arc isn't very interesting.  Some of the characters are good while others tip the scale towards the bad.  Penguin is interesting, as is Bullock, Nygma is intriguing but doesn't get enough screen time.  Young Bruce is on a slow boil and Catwoman is a highlight.  Meanwhile I HATE Fish Mooney, I don't care about Falcone or Maroni, Gordon is boring and Barbara has been given a bi-sexual past for no real reason I can see.  If it serves a purpose I can see doing it but it just seems meaningless and is rarely used for anything interesting.  I haven't made this a priority to watch so I'm a little behind, maybe when I get caught up something will change, right now I'm on the fence.

Awesome Mix Vol. 1: an analysis

  I recently saw Guardians of the Galaxy, twice.  I might go see it again.  But the experience drew me towards, almost a character in and of itself, the soundtrack.  Now keep in mind that I haven't read anything about the soundtrack other than a few comments from director James Gunn so I may be retreading some ground but I wanted to share my thoughts and my interpretation.

  First off the soundtrack lives up to its name.  It plays very powerfully in the movie and stands up to multiple listens in the real world.  It's been the only thing on in the CD player in my car lately.  So not only is it a great set list that plays well in sequence but it does something else that's pretty interesting: it connects you to main character Peter Quill aka Star-Lord.  I listen to these songs and imagine a person with only these songs to listen to.  You have slower more melancholy songs that I imagine a teenage Peter Quill playing over and over again when he missed home or after a yelling at by Yondu.  There are harder songs I can imagine he played to get amped up before a confrontation as a Ravager.  Songs he played when entering atmosphere on a planet and songs he played when trying to romance a lady alien.  More than anything it connects you to that character and by listening to it you can empathize and imagine yourself there, living his life, listening to the same songs he listens too.  It makes it so much more than a collection of music used for a fancy moving picture.  Now that that's out of the way let's get to the analysis.

X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014) Theatrical Release

Days of Future Blast (fan poster by Squiddytron)

Rating:  4 out 5 Mutants Thinking With Portals

Review:  This is a good movie.  It's a shitty sequel but it's a good movie.  Ostensibly this is a sequel to X-Men: First Class but it isn't, not really.  I would really classify this as more a sequel to X2 than a sequel to First Class.  It doesn't carry over any of the plot threads, tone or theme from that movie.  I dare say that it makes First Class at totally superfluous film, it negates the reason for that film to exist other than to act as a glorified appendix for a bunch sight gags and references.  I have heard it referred to as a "soft reboot" and in that sense it really succeeds because it eliminates the chaff and the mistakes made from the cash ins that were Last Stand and XMO: Wolverine.  Essentially everything from X2 onward, with the exception, perhaps, of The Wolverine, has been eliminated from cannon making those movies superfluous as well I suppose.

  Allllllllll that being said I really enjoyed this movie.  There are things that are left out, like Kitty suddenly able to send someone back into the past, but, for the most part, it's a very enjoyable movie with a pretty solid plot.  A lot of what's left out, I don't think, would benefit the movie and would just serve to increase its running time.  What's there is fun, well acted, well paced and generally good.  Acting highlights include Peter Dinklage as Bolivar Trask who just fucking nails this role.  I can't imagine a better actor for this.  He comes in a just knocks it out of the park in every scene.  He has just a very intense presence that serves the character well.  The second is Evan Peters as Quicksilver.  I admit to being skeptical at first.  I saw Aaron Taylor-Johnson (in the upcoming Age of Ultron) to be the obviously superior Quicksilver.  He has the build, the accent and the chops.  Evan Peters used to just kind of be "that guy in Kick-Ass who isn't Kick-Ass".  I was wrong, his performance in this is fantastic and he steals the show for the short time he's in it.  The super speed scene in particular is quite impressive and amazing to watch.  Other than that just his attitude, his fast talking, his constant questions and his general fun loving demeanor is a joy to experience.  I think those are really the two worth mentioning.  Obviously the main cast does an amazing job, they filled those roles with incredible actors.  Actors whose reputations proceed them, it would be more surprising if they sucked, as it is they put in routine, for them, fantastic performances.

Spider-Man Sunday: Amazing Spider-Man 2 (2014) Xbox 360

Amazing Spider-Jerk

Rating: 1 out of 5 Terrible Controls, Combat and Crappy Story Elements

Review:  Since I just wrote my frustrations out in my first impressions and not much has changed this will be an incredibly short review.  Here's what I liked:

-Kingpin is in it.
-Kraven is pretty cool.
-I liked that they made Carnage the result of nano-technology instead of an alien being.
-There's a bunch of little references including Man-Thing.  There are also less subtle references to Mr. Negative and such.
-This version of Shocker is awesome.
-There's a bunch of costumes with various additional attributes.
-The stealth mostly functions alright.

  Most of what I said in my first impressions still apply.  I hate the controls, I finally found a better way of getting around but it involved using the "web-rush" mechanic a lot which, in my opinion, takes all the interactivity out of the game.  The hero or menace mechanic is just plain stupid and I ignored it for the most part in a final cannonball suicide run just to finish the game and at about the halfway point I was desperate to finish the game.  The story makes no sense and in no way resembles the movie.  I would much rather take the movies shallow plot over this none-sense.  Another bragging point was being able to play as Peter Parker but those segments are pointless as they don't add anything and just take up time.  There are conversation options but they are, again, pointless because if you chose to simply end the conversation you get all the plot that you need to continue forward.  It would have been nice if they hid some additional objectives in the conversations or some kind of Paragon/Renegade system but as it is the mechanic is just more filler than interesting addition.

  I can't think of a single reason to pick up and play this game.  I was super hype for this game thinking it could be the second coming of Spider-Man 2 for PS2 but it's not that.  It's barely Spider-Man: Return of the Sinister Six for the NES.  There's no Rhino, no Gwen Stacy, Electro and Green Goblin come and go with NO context.  We don't even see the origins of either, they just show up, you fight them and they disappear.  Which brings to mind the boss fights.  They suck.  It's just a face punch contest until one of you falls.  Skip this game and play something better, it shouldn't be hard, almost anything would be better than this game.

Spider-Man Sunday: Amazing Spider-Man 2 (2014) Theatrical Release

Amazing Spider-Meh

Rating: 3 out of 5 Villains Running Rampant in New York

Review:  I've been sitting on this review for a while.  Not a long time, on opening weekend I was at a Con and then I got Con Crude and was sick as balls the following week so I finally saw this last Wednesday but I've been waiting to write a review.  The problem is I don't really know what to say about this movie.  It's just kind of meh.  Also, just so you know, there will be some major spoilers in this review because some of my observations include major plot points so if you don't want SPOYLARZ don't read on.  The non-spoiler version is, wait for DVD, you don't really need to go out of your way to see this one.

X-Men: The Pryde of the X-Men (1989) VHS

Sadly not Dazzler's Disco Power Variety Hour

Rating: 2 out of 5 Brotherhood of Mutant’s Members Taken Out Like Common Street Trash

Plot Synopsis: Magneto escapes imprisonment, never mind how or why he was imprisoned, and goes after the “Mutant Power Core”(?) of Cerebro so that he can hurl an asteroid at the Earth. Despite the fact that he lives in a larger asteroid that he could just aim at Earth and despite Earth being where all the mutants live. The mutant’s he’s fighting for. It seems like a flawed plan is all. Also Kitty Pryde helps out the X-Men.

Avengers Confidential: Black Widow and Punisher (2014) DVD

Avengers Crap-fidential

Rating:  2 out of 5 Anime Bullshits

Plot Synopsis:  Some guy is making super soldiers and, for some reason, the Punisher is involved.

Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014) Theatrical Release

Rating: 5 out of 5 Secretive Government Assassins

Review:  I'm sure by now you've heard all the hype and the movie lives up to that hype so there isn't much I can say about it.  The movie is excellently paced, the action set pieces are awesome, the plot is rock solid and the acting is stellar.  I've heard people say that it's the best Marvel movie ever.  This is certainly in my top 3 but I really like Avengers and the Thor movies, especially the first one, is endlessly watchable to me because of the balance between comedy, drama and action.  We'll have to see how many times I watch it when it comes out on DVD because my opinion of it may go up.  I just want to touch on two things.

  First off Anthony Mackie as Falcon is just totally badass.  He owns his screen time and has made that version of the Falcon a really desirable character to me.  I now want more Falcon, I want the Falcon action figure, I want a Falcon movie, I want a Falcon poster, I want everything Falcon.  I never really gave much of a shit about Falcon but now I can't wait to see more.

  Secondly I just wanted to touch on something I read from Sebastian Stan.  In one interview he evoked Heath Ledger's name and Ledger's Joker as a major influence.  I just didn't see that in his own performance as Winter Soldier.  As the Winter Soldier Stan doesn't really have a whole lot of lines but holy shit does he pack in a whole of emotion in his smallest action and especially in his eyes.  Right from the start Winter Soldier is established as a threat, he is a credible threat to Captain America.  You wonder how Cap could possibly go up against this guy and win.  He is shown to be capable, fearless and relentlessly violent.  The people that challenge him barely escape intact, nobody gets a clean win over him and it makes you afraid any time someone gets into direct conflict with him.  He is just pure, focused hatred and anger not really the anarchist psycho that Joker was.  What I'm saying is his performance is excellent and the character is really well done (stay until after the credit for probably the best non-action Winter Soldier scene).  As far as a Joker-level tour de personality?  I just don't see it.  I do look forward to seeing more Sebastian Stan though, I really hope he has a long Marvel career ahead of him.

  Well, that's Winter Soldier, go see it, it's awesome.  The plot will definitely affect the Marvel cinematic universe from here on out but what I'm MORE interested in seeing is how it affects next weeks Agents of SHIELD.

Nick Fury: Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. (1998) DVD

You should never hassle the hoff.

Rating:  2 out of 5 Humanoid Robots Clearly Used As A Plot Point

Plot Synopsis:  David Hasselhoff is Nick Fury.  That’s pretty much it.

The Top Tenth of the Month: You Dropped a Gamma Bomb on Me

Top Ten Gamma Powered Characters

The Concept:  Gamma radiation is the number three source of super people in the Marvel Universe.  It takes perfectly normal people and imbues them with fantastical and varied powers unlike the real world where excessive gamma radiation just kills you.  This is my top ten list of gamma characters.

Side note:  Rulk and She-Rulk are not strictly gamma created characters.  Their origins are suggested to involve some version of the super soldier program which, in the main universe, clearly doesn't involve gamma radiation.  I already make a few exceptions (including blood transfusions) and I prefer the exceptions I made.

10) Leader -

--Who They Are:  Samuel Sterns was basically a janitor when he was exposed to gamma waste.  He then grew a dick shaped head that later turned into balls shaped head.  He has mental powers, telepathy and telekinesis but, to me, he's THE most worthless Hulk villain ever.  I guess some people think the Leader is the opposing force to Hulk's brute strength but he doesn't become more powerful the calmer he gets.  In fact he doesn't become more anything the anything he gets.  The guy's a scrub, plain and simple.

--Why They’re 10:  His head looks like balls.

Next Avengers: Heroes of Tomorrow (2008) Netflix

The Future of Avenging

Rating:  4 out of 5 Robo Avengers Trounced by Children

Plot Synopsis:  The children of the Avengers are kept safe on an island by Tony Stark after Ultron kills the other Avengers.  Eventually Ultron finds the kids and the kids decide to take the battle to him.

Thor: Tales of Asgard (2011) Netflix

More like Thor: Tales of Shit, am I right?

Rating: 1 out of 5 Characters Who Talks With an Appropriate Voice

Plot Synopsis: Young Thor is a terrible person.  He's followed by Loki who is almost entirely one dimensional.  They follow the Warriors Three who are cowardly liars and tell Sif she isn't man enough to matter.  Nothing happens and nobody cares.

Ladies and Gentleman, We Have Our Ant-Man

Paul Rudd is Ant-Man.

Courtesy 

  I was going to write a whole big thing about this, which is why I'm late to the party, I sat on it hoping inspiration would hit me.  There just isn't much to say beyond how awesome it is.  I think the movie will be great, I would have like to see Simon Pegg but I think both those actors can play socially/romantically awkward people.  There will have to be a plot with Janet Van Dyne and Rudd can to do hopeless romantic in over his head (wife beater Pym can go fuck himself but I think Rudd could go there if the plot required it).
  The biggest thing I'm looking forward to is Rudd playing off Robert Downey Jr.'s Tony Stark and Mark Ruffalo's Bruce Banner in Avengers 2 or 3 (it would be cool if they threw him into 2 as the lead up to his own movie).  The interplay between Tony and Bruce was great in Avengers so adding Rudd to the mix, I think, will make something even more special.  I, for one, am really looking forward to it.

Thor: The Dark World (2013, Theatrical Release)

Thor vs. The Phantom of the Opera

Rating:  4 out of 5 Gravity Grenades Crushing Everything Around It

Review:  What comes to mind with this film is balance.  In my review of the first Thor movie I said it was the most balanced movie of Phase One.  I think this Thor movie will prove to be the most balanced movie of Phase Two.  It has a very satisfying mix of humor, drama and action and they all happen at a relatively decent pace.

The Wolverine (Theatrical Release, 2013)

Rating: 3 out of 5 Non-Bald Shingen's

Review:  I heard some negative things before I went to go see this.  The biggest complaint was that it fell apart in the last half hour.  I didn't really see where it fell apart.  The movie seemed pretty seamless to me.  That being said I wouldn't say that it was the greatest movie.  It ranks up there with possibly the first X-Men as far as X-Men movies go.  It's certainly better than X3 or Origins but it's not as good as, say, X2.  But all in all it's a pretty good movie.

Fan Film Friday 7-19-13: Punisher: Dead of Night

Another Punisher short.  Well done for the most part.  I think the reason so many people are wearing masks, including the Punisher, is because it's a very small cast and they all had to pull double duty.  Other than that a good outing.

Fan Film Friday 7-12-13: Gambit vs. Nightwing

It looks like Machinima contracted this from the great people at Bat in the Sun so it has a budget behind it and some shilling at the end that's a bit annoying but past that it's a nice little battle.