Sunday, March 30, 2014

Watchmen: The End is Nigh (2009) Xbox 360

Watchmen: The Potential is Wasted
Rating:  2 out of 5 Illegal Costumed Vigilantes

Plot Synopsis:  Nite Owl and Rorschach beat the hell out everyone ever.  Out of both types of people, big and tank like as well as normal proportioned.

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

The Honored One-Hundred: Chapter 3

Chapter 3

  Brace sat in the former mayor’s office in the overstuffed, plush leather chair and looked out the large window overlooking the city as he considered the revitalization of Waukegan. A day had passed since Brace “retired” the former Senator of Illinois and the former mayor of Waukegan. He sat there awaiting the machines from fellow Honored The Futurist. The Futurist was almost solely responsible for the great strides in technology as well as the massive reforms that the technology allowed. Soon the reformation machines would dot the horizon as they ate the wall and knocked down the fence reclaiming the materials for future use. Then the people would be moved around so that blocks could be demolished and rebuilt to allow for the new housing that every citizen was entitled to. As that happened the mag trains would be installed providing free public transportation while the harbors were built to allow trade. With the technology available to him this could be accomplished in a matter of a few months rather than years.

Sunday, March 23, 2014

Justice League: War (2014) Blu-Ray

Justice League: Ass
Rating:  1 out of 5 Heroes Who Isn’t a Jerkface Dummyhead

Plot Synopsis:  Darkseid invades the DC universe and it’s up to our rag tag team of assholes to stop him in the war-iest way possible.

Sunday, March 16, 2014

Spawn (1997) Cinemax movie channel

Spawn?  More like...flan.  Am I right?
Rating:  2 out of 5 Crappy CG Demons

Plot Synopsis:  Al Simmons gets himself killed and then makes a deal with a PS1 demon.  He is then annoyed by a fat John Leguizamo in a clown suit.  There’s a lot of angst and an English accented, magic homeless man.  It ultimately doesn’t matter, none of it ultimately matters.

Monday, March 10, 2014

Top Tenth of the Month: Animal Farm - The Top Ten Animal Superheroes

Animal Farm: The Top Ten Animal Superheroes

  The Concept:  When being human isn't enough you have your super humans but what if super human isn't enough?  Well for those time when being a super human just won't cut it you can count on our furry friends or amphibious friends to come in and save the day.  These are the top ten animal superheroes!

This is just a subjective list, this isn't a brawl scenario like the others.  Mostly because that's just kind of cruel.

10)  Ace the Bathound

--Who They Are:  He's Batman's dog sidekick.  Depending on the source he is either a German Shepherd (pre-Crisis), a Puggle (post-Crisis) or a Great Dane (New 52 and Batman Beyond).  He originally showed up in Golden Age, when things were batshit crazy, and has come and gone throughout Batman continuity since.

--Why They're 10:  He's Batman's dog and that's pretty much all we know.  He had a stint in the Krypto animated series but I didn't really watch that so that would probably provide WAY more characterization and might actually make me care.  As it is I always smile when I see a reference to Ace because I know he exists but I don't particularly care about him.

Sunday, March 9, 2014

Nick Fury: Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. (1998) DVD

You should never hassle the hoff.
Rating:  2 out of 5 Humanoid Robots Clearly Used As A Plot Point

Plot Synopsis:  David Hasselhoff is Nick Fury.  That’s pretty much it.

Monday, March 3, 2014

Terry Gilliam Wrote an Alternate Ending to Watchmen

A little while ago I saw a story about Terry Gilliam's ending to the Watchmen movie and I posted the story over on Facebook and then just dismissed it.  But I ran across some other articles that I wanted to take a moment and just mention.  I also have the flu so I'm not really capable of great insight.  I know, not really all that different from my normal level of commentary.

I would read THIS first where Zack Snyder acts as cinematic Jesus and takes the burden of telling the story to save it from the bad ppeople.  I actually really like the Watchmen movie.  As I said on Facebook, I don't particularly enjoy the comic and I think it gets up its own ass at points at the expense of the audience.  That's my opinion and not for trying, I attempted to read that book 4 times before succeeding and then read it an additional 3 in an attempt to understand it.  I still don't like it.

But here's what started all this an interview with Joel Silver, HOLLYWOOD PRODUCER!  The interview itself is rather boring so I'm just going to steal the relevant parts.

Sunday, March 2, 2014

Bulletproof Monk (2003) Netflix

Lies!  He's holding nothing but lies!
Rating: 3 out of 5 Monk’s That Are Actually Bulletproof

Plot Synopsis:  There is a monk, he’s a like a super monk, and this lineage of super monks gets handed down from master to student, who then becomes master.  Okay?  So then there’s this Nazi, right, and he wants the scroll so he can be an immortal racist dick.  But the Monk, who gave up his name to be the super monk, escapes.  Suddenly we’re in New York, story go!