Sunday, December 29, 2013

The Tick (2001, Netflix)

Behold: The two headed cobra of justice!
Rating: 4 out of 5 Nigh Invincible Bug Themed Heroes

Review:  I totally missed out on The Tick show when it first aired.  I remember Fox making a big deal out of the pilot, directed by Barry Sonnefeld and maybe I watched it and maybe I didn't.  But if I did watch that pilot then I missed the rest of it.  Much later, in 2010 I watched the series while under the influence of a terrible flu and didn't really remember much of that experience.  Here and now I have watched the series again and it's pretty good.  I don't really understand why it was cancelled really.  It always surprises me what get's cancelled and what runs forever.

Thursday, December 26, 2013

If I Made It: Silver Surfer: Herald of Galactus (video game)

Silver Surfer: Herald of Galactus
Overview:  Recently I re-watched the Angry Video Game Nerd's review of the Silver Surfer game for the NES.  I remember, as a kid, a friend of mine having that game and me borrowing it, playing it and just being frustrated by it, much like The Fucking Nerd himself.  But the review got me thinking, is it possible to make a good Silver Surfer game?  Is that something that can be done?  It would be difficult just based on what the Surfer is and his original comics were less high octane action fuel and more meditations on being filtered through psychedelic space imagery.  It's hard but not impossible, like any good game you need to break a character down to its basics and try to recreate that in the gameplay.  Here's how I would do it...

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Batgirl: I heart Yvonne Craig

When I lived in my old place I was watching old episodes of Batman on the ME channel, I currently don't have cable, I can't afford it, so I haven't seen an episode in a while.  But I have to say my favorite episodes are the ones with Yvonne Craig as Batgirl.  Look at that picture to left.  Look at the fringe and the lace and those colors.  The episodes are terribly, terribly sexist.  One episode in particular is about a female activist, who is played as the villain, organizes the women of Gotham against the men.  Eventually the mayor gives into her demands, which include an all female police force and a female commissioner, because his wife hasn't cleaned his shirts for a week, and he's running low on laundry, his house is dirty and he hasn't eaten a decent meal in days.  Meanwhile the idea of a female doing anything beyond these cooking and cleaning duties is treated like some kind of preposterous joke.  Granted the men are shown be sort of hopeless and helpless but are also the ones in charge.  As the plot goes on the female police force allows a bank robbery to happen because the two bank guards are swapping recipes, one beat cop just painted her nails and another beat cop refuses to chase the criminal because she just got new shoes.  However that is not the crux of the evil scheme, the point of replacing all the police force was so that when the big bad released explosive mice the police would be too afraid to act and allow her to either destroy the city or hold it hostage.  That part is a bit vague.

  But I share that as an example, albeit an extreme example, of the kind of thing regularly happening in Batman '66.  This is the kind of madness they spew at you on a per episode basis.  But then there's Yvonne Craig as Batgirl and the way she handles everything.  In the above episode she's always there as the strong counterpoint.  She doesn't soapbox about women's right but dismisses the men as being ridiculous with how she converses with them or the looks she gives them.  More importantly she demonstrates, by example, why the men are being stupid.  She jumps in there and is just as competent and capable as Batman, sometimes even more competent and capable than Batman.  She is the frequently the bastion of sanity in this crazy ass universe that they've built and often it's simply through body language.  Rarely is it a verbal throwdown that makes her seem like a bad person, they don't portray her as "bitchy" or "preachy" but she comes off as THE ONE person who has a good head on their shoulders while the rest of the world is drenched in hammy, pastel lunacy.  That character, for its time, is actually a really well written female character.  You never hear her carrying on about boys or needing a man.  She lives on her own, she supports herself with a job as a librarian and fights crime without anybody's help.  She is a totally separate, strong entity that is also a woman and who acts as a counterpoint to the male chauvinism that occurs.  The only other strong female characters from that era that come to mind are probably from The Dick Van Dyke Show.  In that show you had Rose Marie and Mary Tyler Moore playing good female characters but Rose Marie is probably close to Batgirl in her level of independence (although I do remember Rose Marie being kind of man crazy and Mary Tyler Moore was kind of defined by her role as wife, but Mel Cooley was fucking hilarious).  Also probably Uhura, but I never like classic Star Trek so I know nothing about that role.  That's really all I wanted to say because I found that picture on a blog and it made me think of that and reminded my that I love Yvonne Craig for being Batgirl.

Sunday, December 22, 2013

Super Capers (2008, Netflix)

This thing is shit.
Rating:  1 out of 5 Jokes Per Second That Actually Succeed

Plot Synopsis:  Ed Gruberman is a superhero fish out of water because…FUCK YOU… he runs into problems….FUCK YOU… there are more jokes per second that the human brain can handle FUUUUUUUUUCK YOU!

Saturday, December 21, 2013

If I Made It: Iron Man 3 (Act 3)

Good movie, flawed ending.
Overview:  I liked Iron Man 3 and didn't hate the climax.  In the context of the story the climax worked fine.  But it was also a pretty flawed 3rd act in how it totally neutered the big bad, set up a rather strange series of events and took Rhodey almost completely out of the story.  I think this can be contributed to Shane Black who wrote and directed the film.  I like Shane Black just fine (credits include Lethal Weapon, Monster Squad and Last Action Hero.  All movies I really like) but I think the problem comes from the fact that he is a comedy action writer with an emphasis on comedy.  If given a chance to go for a laugh or go for the action he'll pick the laugh and there was plenty of laughs to be had at Trevor aka Mandarin.  Up until Tony meets Trevor you have an incredibly solid film but after that point it could use... something else.  If it were me, here's how I would have done it...

Friday, December 20, 2013

Ladies and Gentleman, We Have Our Ant-Man

Paul Rudd is Ant-Man.

  I was going to write a whole big thing about this, which is why I'm late to the party, I sat on it hoping inspiration would hit me.  There just isn't much to say beyond how awesome it is.  I think the movie will be great, I would have like to see Simon Pegg but I think both those actors can play socially/romantically awkward people.  There will have to be a plot with Janet Van Dyne and Rudd can to do hopeless romantic in over his head (wife beater Pym can go fuck himself but I think Rudd could go there if the plot required it).
  The biggest thing I'm looking forward to is Rudd playing off Robert Downey Jr.'s Tony Stark and Mark Ruffalo's Bruce Banner in Avengers 2 or 3 (it would be cool if they threw him into 2 as the lead up to his own movie).  The interplay between Tony and Bruce was great in Avengers so adding Rudd to the mix, I think, will make something even more special.  I, for one, am really looking forward to it.

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

If I Made It: The Walking Dead: Survival Instinct (video game)

Outline:  A game with this title already exists and I haven't played it but by all accounts it is terrible with a Metacritic rating of 32/100.  Also Telltale games has a Walking Dead game out that by all accounts is awesome and totally encapsulates the feeling of the series.  But we aren't really here to encapsulate the feeling of the series.  We're here to chop up some zombies with previously established badass characters.  Now the actual Survival Instinct game follows Daryl and Merle Dixon. Daryl is an awesome badass with a heart of gold underneath a tough exterior and Merle is a racist.  That's great but I don't think you can make a game out of their exploits.  At most you can maybe spend a couple of  hours with them.  That's pretty much true with any one person in this world there just isn't enough variety to justify a full length game, especially one that doesn't fudge the current cannon.  A game is hard to do because Dead Rising exists and I was thinking about making the whole game about Morgan Jones who holds an entire small town by himself but that also already exists and it's called Dead Rising: Case Zero and it's downloadable for the 360.  I think the best way to get around this is to make the game about more than one character, four characters to be exact, each character getting about 6+ hours of gameplay.  The goal of this game isn't to capture the ennui of the show, especially since we already have that game (and it's won all the awards), the point is to play as the shows biggest badass' and focus on the survival and fear aspects.


The Walking Dead (Seasons 1-3, Netflix)

Rating: 4 out 5 Walkers Decapitated With a Badass Sword

Review: I suddenly decided to get back into The Walking Dead.  Several years ago, probably around midway of season 2, I tried to get into The Walking Dead but I didn't make it past the second episode.  It was mostly because I didn't really understand what I was seeing and, perhaps, I wasn't really in the right mindset.  I really enjoyed the first episode and most of the second episode but when Lori has sex with Shane and then is shown living this seemingly idyllic life out in the country while her husband is covered in gore trying desperately to survive and find her and their son.  I saw that and I thought "Great, this is going to be episode after episode of this guy getting figuratively kicked in the nuts looking for his family while his family lives on like he never existed.  Then he's going to find them and he'll move on because they don't need him anymore."  It also made me immediately hate Lori because if I were in her situation, and in fact it is shown, in those two episodes, that if Rick were in her situation he would be celibate out of respect to the fallen spouse.  I don't know why it made me so mad but it did.  So I just decided that this show wasn't for me.

Monday, November 11, 2013

Thor: The Dark World (2013, Theatrical Release)

Thor vs. The Phantom of the Opera
Rating:  4 out of 5 Gravity Grenades Crushing Everything Around It

Review:  What comes to mind with this film is balance.  In my review of the first Thor movie I said it was the most balanced movie of Phase One.  I think this Thor movie will prove to be the most balanced movie of Phase Two.  It has a very satisfying mix of humor, drama and action and they all happen at a relatively decent pace.

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Batman: Arkham Origins (2013, Xbox 360)

At no point do you play as the asylum
Rating: 5 out 5 Batman Ass Whuppings

Review:  I've been seeing some negative press on this game so I thought I would weigh in with a quick review that's more in the vein of my opening weekend movie reviews.  I'm also very tired as I literally just finished the game after a lengthy couple of sessions, it's pretty much all done except finding a few location files and the challenge maps.

  The game is good.  The game is really good, I would say it's the best game in the series when it comes to pretty much everything.  My still-in-progress Arkham City review puts that game at a 6 out of 5, if this is better then why does it only get a 5.  Well we'll get to that but for now we'll focus on why I think it's better.

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Casting Choices or Michael B. Jordan for Human Torch and Donald Glover for Spider-Man (a swear filled rant)

I came across this:

Michael B. Jordan definitely wants to be the Human Torch
and I felt the need to say something.  I guess more accurately go on a rant because saying something suggests a coherent beginning, middle and end.  Also a point and I'm not sure I have one.  This is what spurred that on (granted any one of these quotes could be sarcastic and I wouldn't know it):

Monday, October 7, 2013

Get Knocked Down and Get up Again

So as you precious few readers have probably noticed, I haven't updated in a while.  I realize that if this blog has a following it's a rather small one but I appreciate anyone who stumbles across my little geek corner in the vast mansion of the internet and I, myself, hate when even the small sites I follow (be it review or blog or vlog) take a long hiatus with no explanation so I feel I owe at least that.

The blog isn't dead but I once again have to take a hiatus, just like all the other hiatus' I've had to take.  It seems that whenever I get some traction and start to build up a safe cushion of content, when I start thinking of adding features or start working on some bigger project (damn my journalistic desires) life seems to stick it's foot out and I take a tumble.  Seems to happen about once a year if I'm to be honest.  But this year I left a job I hated, one that was literally killing me for what I thought would be a dream job, which has turned out to be incredibly unstable.  So instead of waiting for the inevitable firing I decided to leave for greener pastures.  Those pastures being out of state, so I'm looking at a massive move at the end of the month to a different state.  That's what's been going on so as I become unsteady here and the prospect of being unsteady where I go I haven't had much time for critical enjoyment.  Most of what I've been consuming is either stuff I've reviewed, because I can't get enough of Marvel Phase 1, or for pure enjoyment in an attempt to escape and relax a little bit.

So that's it.  I thank any of you have found this place and have stuck with it for the ups and downs and many hiatai.  I hope by January I will be settled down enough to start posting again.  I have a few rough reviews that I might polish up and post and I will try to get up a review of Thor 2 because I already know where I'll be seeing that after I move so I might as well make a review about it.  I doubt this blog will ever die entirely, unless I go through some major life change, since it's where I can vent my writing but it will probably ebb and flow like this until I accidentally get my shit together (MC 900 ft Jesus).

Friday, September 13, 2013

Fan Film Friday: Tell Gordon Hello (also state of Fan Film Friday address)

  I originally thought fan films would be really easy to come by but it has turned out that they are a little thin on the ground.  Also in trying to keep with me "stay positive" vibe it doesn't really leave me a whole lot to watch, as I have discovered.

This however is awesome.  I got nothing negative to say about this.  It's just fucking awesome.

But I think from here on out Fan Film Friday is going to be a "when it feels right" kind of "regular" posting and since I only post awesome stuff I'll probably stop commenting on it as well.  It will become sort of like what Cosplay Wednesday has become where my words won't get in the way of the awesome, I'll just present it without comment so you can enjoy because I can only really say "This is good, it's acted well, it's shot well, the sound is good, etc" before it get's incredibly boring and redundant for everyone involved.

You will enjoy this though.

Sunday, September 8, 2013

Grandmaster (2013, Theatrical Release)

The first Kung Fu Romantic Documentary
Rating: 2 out of 5 of the 64 Palms

Review:  I am a fan of two things, superhero fiction (whatever form that may take) and kung fu movies.  Superhero movies I almost prefer to see alone if I'm going to go see one, I don't know why, it's just not an experience I'm keen on sharing.  But kung fu movies I really only want to see with someone else.  Again I don't know why but I find them to be more enjoyable with another person.

  As I left the theater last night with a friend we were discussing the movie we had just watched and I said that I was "struggling to define it", 12 hours later and I still struggle with that.  I guess Kung Fu Romantic Documentary would be the most apt description.

Sunday, September 1, 2013

Boy Wonder (2010) Netflix

Rating:  4 out of 5 teenage vigilantes searching the night for vengeance.

Plot Synopsis:  A young man is witness to the violent murder of his mother and spends his youth getting preparing himself to find the killer.  During his hunt for his mother’s killer he decides to practice on some local hoods.

Sunday, August 25, 2013

Kick-Ass 2 Redux

Andy Nyman as The Tumor, one of the very few reasons to see this movie.
  I have found myself thinking about Kick Ass 2 quite a bit.  I don't really understand why that is really but I have found that the more I think about that movie the more I dislike it.  I don't think I covered all the negative points in my review but I think the score is accurate for my experience that day but if I were to rate it again at this point I might give it a negative score.

  Here is what is positive about Kick Ass 2.  Andy Nyman, Lindy Booth, Chloe Grace-Moretz, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Jim Carey, Donald Faizon, Olga Kurkulina and John Leguizamo.  That's it.  Those actors really work hard to make the film because they are given nothing as far as character meat.  There's nothing in the way of consistent characterization for anybody except maybe Andy Nyman as the Tumor but probably because they don't spend a lot of time with him and the most he gets is a description that he's "small but deadly".  But holy shit does he take what little he has and he runs as far as he can with it.  Chloe get's a pass because she's playing Hit-Girl and what little Hit-Girl we get more than makes up for what's missing.  Mintz-Plasse does a pretty good job walking the line between goofy dumb ass and deadly bad ass and has some pretty intense moments.  The last real note worthy reason is Olga Kurkulina as Mother Russia and that's because she turns up the bad ass to 11 and never let's up.  Those not specifically mentioned here and now I either mentioned in my review or do well with their small parts and make the movie watchable.  Beyond the performances there's the character of Hit-Girl that has earned some leeway mostly due to how great the character was in the first movie and really one part of one action scene.  That being Hit-Girl vs. Mother Russia.  The neighborhood shoot out was less an action scene and more a one sided squash match between Mother Russia and the cops and the car chase was only OK.  In the moment it was enjoyable but in retrospect it feels tedious.  I certainly don't feel the need to see it again like I did with scenes from the first movie (those scenes being Hit-Girl in the apartment, Big Daddy in the warehouse and Hit-Girl in the penthouse).

  Now that bad (in list form, in no particular order):

--There is no message to the film.  I shouldn't say that, there are a ton of messages in the film but none of them are consistent and are frequently contradictory (be yourself, be who others what you to be, be who others want you to be unless they are dead, bitchy or get in the way of your fun then be yourself).

--Kick-Ass is a still a whiny impotent bitch.  They make this huge deal of Dave working with Hit-Girl, training, becoming all muscly and it get's us nothing.  A limp wristed climax battle between Kick-Ass and Motherfucker that solves nothing.  He wants revenge for Motherfucker killing his dad and seems to have every intention of killing him until Motherfucker basically kills himself and Kick-Ass jumps in to save him.

--There are a dozen retirement moments.  "I'm done with being a super hero."  "Who else can save them but me?" "I told my dad I would give it up." (said by two different characters) "Wait, my dads dead so I owe him nothing." (the conclusion drawn by those same two characters).

--There is a 2 minute sexualized dance scene done by a woman playing a 14 year old girl.

--Hit-Girl also has a dance scene but in her mind she's Hit-Girl fighting ninjas.  I appreciate more Hit-Girl but did we need to couch it in this "outcast get's embraced by the populous at the expense of the popular girl" trope?

--There is another, probably 2 minute vomit gag that climaxes with projectile vomiting AND projectile diarrhea.  That's what payback looks like, I guess.

--Hit-Girl get's invited to the cool girls house and they watch a music video of a boy band.  First off the video, while a somewhat funny send up of current boy bands like One Direction, is so over the top that it passes "funny satire/parody" pretty early on and flies uncomfortably close to "video found in a pedophiles closet".  After the video ends one of the 14 YEAR OLD GIRLS mentions that she is "soaking wet".  While there might be a time and a place for a movie to address the sexuality of under-age girls, you, Kick-Ass 2, are not that movie.  You have not have not earned the ability, in anything you have done in this movie,  to aspire to show us the "reality" that takes place among a group of underage girls in an unsupervised environment.  Especially when THAT SCENE LEADS NO WHERE AND DOES NOTHING FOR ANYBODY.  Why is it there?  Who is it for?  Is it to feminize Hit-Girl?  Because that's probably the only reason I can see for it's existence.  The video seems to trigger puberty in Hit-Girl.  WTF!?!

--They don't want to do anything compelling with Katie (Kick-Ass' girlfriend from the first movie) so they just have her accuse him of cheating on her with Hit-Girl and she then reveals that she's cheating on him with some guy from the NEEDLE EXCHANGE she works at.  Then she's just gone.  Then Night Bitch becomes the defacto love interest.  At least Lindy Booth, who plays Night Bitch, takes what few moments she has to emote and uses them to project a sympathetic character.

  60% of this movie is plot contrivance to get us from one place to another.  Motivation, when established at all, isn't established until almost half way through the movie for the main characters.  A good example of this is during the first meeting of Justice Forever everyone has these touching stories for why they do what they do.  Kick-Ass and Battle Guy do it for fun and to be cool (it isn't until almost the end when Kick-Ass' dad get's killed that he summons the motivation to do something).  What makes it worse is they are terrible at it.  They don't do it for any greater good (although that get's lip service it isn't obvious in anything that happens), they want to raise their social cache a little bit or have some excitement, it's unclear which one it is for sure.  But they are basically useless in any confrontation that happens in the movie.  I think this movie is a lot like the character Kick-Ass, whiny, has no clear direction or motivation, overly concerned about being "cool", focused of style over substance and terrible at it's job.  In the case of the character that is being a decent super hero/human being in the case of the movie it is being entertaining.

  In the theater I found myself making excuses for this film and even up to the review but the longer this movie sits in my brain the more it festers and rots and the less I like it.  I'll probably still buy it when it comes out, because I have a problem, and maybe when I rewatch it I'll find things I like about it that redeem it but after sitting on this movie for a bit I've come to really dislike it and the parts that were good have become soured by the memory of the rest of the movie.  I stand by my original conclusion though, unless you are a Kick-Ass fan, and god help you if you are, the tone of that comic is so dreadful I don't know why any one likes it, you should avoid this.  This movie should only be consumed by the fans or by the troubled, such as myself in the case of the latter.

R.E.D. (2010) DVD

Damn fine actress and what a woman.
Rating:  4 out of 5 Retired But Extremely Dangerous Government Agents

Plot Synopsis:  Frank Moses gets a hit put on him by an unknown person in the US government.  This puts himself and the lovely pension phone operator Sarah Ross in danger as they are seeking to leverage Sarah against Frank or eliminate both in case Sarah questions Frank’s death.  It isn’t real clear.  Anyway, they have to figure out who is hunting them while at the same time gathering some old assets to help them.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Cosplay Wednesdays 8-21-13: People of Steel edition

distaff Colossus

Superman.  I'm pretty sure I met this guy at C2E2 (I never got a name unfortunately), I talked with him a bit and he was a really cool guy.  So thanks, random Superman, for being a really cool guy to a total stranger.  If that was in fact you.  If not then I'm sure you're a cool guy anyway.

Saturday, August 17, 2013

Kick-Ass 2 (2013, Theatrical Release)

The only character that matters
Rating: 2 out of 5 Dogs Attacking the Crotches of Accused Human Traffickers

Review:  You know after posting about defending my high review scores I think I may have cursed myself because lately most of what's been in the theaters has been pretty meh.

  Kick-Ass 2 is okay and depending on what you want it may do something more for you.  I didn't hate my time with this movie but in all honesty you could probably avoid this if you haven't really gotten on the Kick-Ass train yet.  I loved the first Kick-Ass movie, I loathed the comic book and I want to you use this opportunity to talk about that a little, but first the movie itself.  Dave, the titular Kick-Ass, really takes a back seat to Mindy who is Hit-Girl.  In the first movie the movie was all about Dave with Hit-Girl and Big Daddy playing supporting roles while also being the major highlights of that movie.  I'd say that the movie is better for focusing on Mindy because it gives actor Chloe Grace Moretz a little more room to, you know, actually act and she does a fantastic job with what she has.  I would say her performance and that of Jim Carrey are the reasons you would go see this movie.  Jim Carrey doesn't get a whole lot of screen time so I wouldn't use that as the sole reason to go see this.  But if you like Moretz and Carrey and the first Kick-Ass then this movie is probably a 3 or a 4 for you.  It will never be anything more than that, no matter how much you like anything Kick-Ass related.

Sunday, August 11, 2013

Son of the Mask (2005) DVD Double Feature

Rating:  -1 out of 5 creepy babies doing stupid stuff

Plot Synopsis:  I don’t know, good luck with that.  It’s the sequel everyone asked for but no one wanted 11 years after the first movie and 6 years after everyone stopped asking.

Sunday, August 4, 2013

The Mask (1994) DVD

Cuban Pete
Rating:  3 out of 5 Olde Tyme Music Numbers

Plot Synopsis:  “Loveable” loser Stanley Ipkiss finds a mask that grants him the ability to get all cartoony and shit.  He then spends the rest of the movie surrounded by assholes and special effects.

Saturday, August 3, 2013

Fan Entitlement

  This subject seems to come in waves.  I notice a lot of it and then I either stop paying attention to it or it dies down and then it comes back but it always seems to be there, right under the surface, like a zit or a parasitic space worm.  With the recent big convention and all the announcements that come with I noticed in the forums, which are, granted, dens of negativity, all this entitlement come to the surface.  I did comment on this pervasive attitude in one of the forums and was told that I was, in fact, wrong.  That fans are owed a good experience and that the companies are beholden to fans and should play to them exclusively.

  I am here to tell all of you who feel this way that you are all stupid, stupid children.

This is you.

Friday, August 2, 2013

Fan Film Friday: Truth in Journalism

This video is much in the same vein as #dirtylaundry,  a short film with somewhat of a budget about a character but not overtly about a character.  It takes a bit to get started but is well worth your time.  I won't spoil anything for you, check it out.  Also stay tuned all the way to the end as there's a stinger with a cameo that really sells the video in my opinion.

Sunday, July 28, 2013

23 Reasons Everyone Should Love Deadpool

Forget Thanos, Ultron, The Guardians of the Galaxy, Spider-Man, The Avengers, The X-Men, and every other character that outsells Deadpool every month.Deadpool is your new favorite Marvel character.

The Wolverine (Theatrical Release, 2013)

Rating: 3 out of 5 Non-Bald Shingen's

Review:  I heard some negative things before I went to go see this.  The biggest complaint was that it fell apart in the last half hour.  I didn't really see where it fell apart.  The movie seemed pretty seamless to me.  That being said I wouldn't say that it was the greatest movie.  It ranks up there with possibly the first X-Men as far as X-Men movies go.  It's certainly better than X3 or Origins but it's not as good as, say, X2.  But all in all it's a pretty good movie.

Sunday, July 21, 2013

Folding Ideas: The People vs Clark Kent

Came across this.  Folding Ideas is a web series I check in on occasionally, they don't really update enough to make it worth looking at every week but every couple of weeks/months I check in.  Last night I found this.  I think it's actually quite interesting but I don't know if I agree.  I think ultimately it's looking in the wrong places and finding things that don't really exist or are not intended.  But it's still very interesting and worth looking at.

RED 2 (Theatrical Release, 2013)

No woman has ever been sexier
Rating: 3 out of 5 Retired Government Operatives

Review: I'm going to start this with a quote from another reviewer:

" a lackadaisical sequel no one asked for except perhaps his creditors, [Bruce Willis] seems unmotivated to smile at all, much less offer a series of emotions that constitute a believable or compelling performance."

--Todd Gilchrest

Fuck you Todd, I asked for this sequel. So if you want to blame someone for this you go ahead and blame me.

Friday, July 19, 2013

Fan Film Friday 7-19-13: Punisher: Dead of Night

Another Punisher short.  Well done for the most part.  I think the reason so many people are wearing masks, including the Punisher, is because it's a very small cast and they all had to pull double duty.  Other than that a good outing.

Sunday, July 14, 2013

Superman vs. The Elite (2012) Blu-Ray

Rating:  3 out of 5 members of a murderous, vigilante super team.

Plot Synopsis:  When a new gang of supers comes into town it forces the public to question Superman’s methods while causing the Man of Steel to doubt himself.

Friday, July 12, 2013

Fan Film Friday 7-12-13: Gambit vs. Nightwing

It looks like Machinima contracted this from the great people at Bat in the Sun so it has a budget behind it and some shilling at the end that's a bit annoying but past that it's a nice little battle.

Sunday, July 7, 2013

Spider-Man: Web of Shadows (2008) X-box 360

Rating: 3 out of 5 Hours Spent Web Swinging

Plot Synopsis:  Venom shows up and somehow causes a symbiote invasion that you have to stop.

Saturday, July 6, 2013

Dark Flow

I read this:

and think of this:

5 Ways Superman Is Shockingly Realistic According to Science

  Being the first one of the whole lot, Superman is the template to every superhero that exists ... meaning that he's also the one to blame for ridiculous tropes like wearing the underpants on the outside or having an insultingly transparent secret identity. However, there are parts of Superman's character that may seem random or even stupid to you, but offer surprising benefits, according to science. So if you aspire to superheroism, pay attention ...

Read more:

I Like Liking Things (in defense of my ratings)

  I know I've mentioned this before but I'm not here to hate on stuff.  When given an option I prefer to like things.  I try to enter any situation with an open mind ready to have fun.  Of course this mostly applies to comic/superhero related stuff.  When it comes to other social situations I mostly just feel total anxiety and sheer terror.

That's me, Mr. Thumbs up.
  Just one look at my tags and the numbers associated with them shows that there are 43 reviews ranked 3 and up to the 15 ranked 2 or below.  Sometimes when I'm reviewing something I wonder if I should be more harsh on it.  This is especially true for the movies I see in theaters because, let's face it, going to a theater pretty much guarantees a positive review (3 or above), so far.  Now you can say that the recent releases are especially good but you also have to take into account that I paid $20 for the experience so you're damn sure I'm going to enjoy myself.  If I'm going to go to a theater and pay that much money I'm going in with an open mind WANTING to have fun.  I've paid for my ticket both literally and figuratively and I'm ready to enjoy the ride.

Friday, July 5, 2013

Fan Film Friday 7-5-13: Do Not Fall in New York

An interesting little animated short based on the Punisher issue of the same name.  It reminds me a little bit of a low budget Maxx.  On one hand I really want to support this because clearly a lot of time, talent and effort went into this.  I can forgive the voice acting, even though it treads into hilarious territory most of the time, but the harder part is that Frank kills almost an entire squad of police in his quest to kill his friend.  That just doesn't go with the character and that bothers me.  But still, check it out with a grain of salt.

Sunday, June 30, 2013

Deadpool: The Game (2013) Xbox 360

I got it out of a taco truck.
Rating:  3 out of 5 Dual Sledgehammer Shots to the Face

Plot Synopsis:  Deadpool gets his own game, which is actually a major part of the plot.  Following that what starts out as a routine job taking out a media mogul turns into a trek across Genosha to deal with Mr. Sinister.

Friday, June 28, 2013

Sunday, June 23, 2013

If I made it: Superman (Video Game)

Outline:  Lex Luthor is quietly experimenting with the remains of the Brainiac AI along with some discovered Kryptonian tech.  This experimenting wreaks havoc as the failures that this experimentation causes the release of Bizzarro, brings the attention of The Elite, the return of Cyborg and finally the release of General Zod.  After the final climatic battle with Zod leaves the city in ruins Luthor merges with Brainiac and rebuilds the city overnight using Kryptonian technology turning Metropolis in the literal City of Tomorrow.  But this sudden appearance of Kryptonian technology attracts the attention of The Eradicator as well as Mongul who attacks the city using his interstellar Warworld ship.  But the defeat of Mongul just gives Lex Luthor the opportunity to challenge Superman on the intergalactic stage using his new found powers to try and end the Man of Steel forever.

Superman Returns (2006) X-Box 360

Man of Meh
Rating: 2 out of 5 cheap ass bosses

Plot Synopsis:  I don’t fucking know, you’re guess is as good as mine.

Monday, June 17, 2013

Man of Steel (2013, IMAX Real 3D)

Man of Badass
Rating: 5 out 5 people from another world

Review:  I was a little hesitant about this movie, most of the early previews looked like this was going be some kind crab fishing dramatic documentary type film.  There wasn't a whole lot to grab on to up until the "You Are Not Alone" trailer.  When I saw that I suddenly got very hyped up for it and it exceeded my expectations.

Sunday, June 16, 2013

The Biggest Crime...

  Since I posted the Dr. Strange review I thought I would take a moment to address why I hated that movie so much and why movies like it bother me to a point of anger.  I think the worst thing a piece of entertainment can be is boring.  If something is boring then it means it has utterly failed in it's objective of being entertaining.  Even is something is "bad" where the acting is terrible, the budget is low, the story is poorly written or the cinematography is total crap if it at least is entertaining, if can at least hold your attention with how bad it is, then it has succeeded.  That is a successful piece of entertainment, that is something worth praising.  It's worth praising because there are so many unsuccessful attempts at entertainment.

  The biggest crime a movie/video game/comic book can commit, the most unforgivable sin is for it to be boring and boring makes me so fucking angry.  Nothing makes me angry like being bored, I don't like being bored, I like having fun and I can find fun in a lot of different places.  I can find fun in a game like Ghost Rider, Blade II or even Superman Returns (review to come) in all their broken glory because they succeed at SOMETHING.  They do SOMETHING right, even if I have to cheat to negate all the broken flaws there is some level of entertainment achieved.  But something like Dr. Strange, the Daredevil game or the Catwoman game (review to come) I just become angry because even when something is happening nothing is happening.  It becomes a task that I have to endure rather than something I can enjoy doing.  That's why something like Blade Trinity, a movie that has major, obvious, scar like flaws can receive a high score from me and something competently done, like Dr. Strange, becomes something I absolutely loathe.  So what I'm saying is being entertaining makes me forgive an awful lot while being boring instantly fills my rage meter.  Whenever possible, creators of the world, shoot for entertaining because even if you hit "incompetent" you might at least end up with something redeemable.

Dr. Strange (1978) VHS

Fuck you and your leotard
Rating:  -1 out of 5 porn staches

Plot Synopsis:  There’s something about borders becoming weak and a great evil enlists Morgan LeFay to help him eliminate the current sorcerer supreme.  She does this by half-assedly tossing this old man off a bridge (which he emerges totally fine from), falling in love with the protagonist, killing then not killing then banishing said old man’s soul, losing said old man’s soul which allows old man to resurrect, playing an integral part in empowering the protagonist and ultimately failing at everything.  The bulk of the plot revolves around this killing of an old man which no one can apparently do.  Then Dr. Strange is a fucking doctor and the other part of this plot takes place in a hospital where nothing happens.  Nothing happens and nobody grows in this goddamn (Batman) waste of fucking time.

Friday, June 14, 2013