Sunday, December 22, 2013

Super Capers (2008, Netflix)

This thing is shit.
Rating:  1 out of 5 Jokes Per Second That Actually Succeed

Plot Synopsis:  Ed Gruberman is a superhero fish out of water because…FUCK YOU… he runs into problems….FUCK YOU… there are more jokes per second that the human brain can handle FUUUUUUUUUCK YOU!

The Good:

-Clint Howard is one of the first people we see, I’m down with that.

-Tom Sizemore is in this…

-…Also Michael Rooker…

-Okay, I’ll admit to getting a chuckle or two from the opening sequence.

-Justin Wahlin humiliating himself after the opening sequence is pretty great.

-Michael Rooker can’t put in a bad performance.

-Tom Sizemore is a living cartoon, his performance is SOOOOO broad but it works.

-Adam West is a taxi driver who drives the original ’66 Batmobile.

-I’m pretty sure Sarge is played by Deebo.  Deebo was a Lombard, IL local commercial.  Deebo’s Insurance, where he talks to clients and then when clients try to file a claim Deebo tells them to “Get up out of my office!”

-The bits are really broad and the jokes are really corny but they still make me laugh at times.  They throw so much at the wall though and maybe 5% stick and make me chuckle but it’s so much stuff, like every second they try to hit you with something funny, it’s like a 100 car pile-up of jokes.

-Puffer Boy is pretty awesome.

-The guy who plays Will Powers is pretty great.

-All in all it’s a pretty great set of character actors.  They aren’t given much to work with but, for the most part, they do a good job with what they have.

-June Lockhart said “panties”.  I’m down with that.

-Hey, it’s Doug Jones!

-Michael Rooker is sufficiently badass in his role.

The Bad:

-Not a single recognizable company in the opening, not a good sign.

-ha-HA, women have lots of stuff in their PURSES!

-Constant cartoon sound effects, we’re in Son of Mask territory here.

-So, the heroine tosses the bad guy a gun, making suspicious behavior into armed robbery and then fries him with heat vision.

-Tom Sizemore is in this…

-…Also Michael Rooker…

-Our main protagonist is Jimmy Olsen from The Adventures of Lois and Clark.

-ha-HA that guy stepped in elephant poop!  I’m glad they went from poorly illustrated sequence to live action to show that guy stepping in shit.

-Michael Rooker looks like a fucking vampire.

-ha-HA, he was called Boogerman!

-These names… they’re killing me.

-They steal a lot of things.  The Batmobile, the Flux Capacitor and the Back to the Future theme just to name a few.

-Our protagonist is a punk ass, whiney bitch.

-ha-HA “Wait a minute, are you gay?” you know, for the kids!

-I’m pretty sure the guy in the Minotaur suit can’t see shit.

-Bored now.

-ha-HA there’s a tiny robot that sort of looks and sounds like Arnold Schwarzenegger.

-The plot is nothing, there’s nothing here to invest me in what’s going.  A series of gags only works for so long before you just get tired of what’s happening and that’s what’s going on here.  I’m sort of burnt out on the gags at this point and there’s no more story to keep me going.

-The protagonist is too stupid and casually evil to be likable in even the slightest.

-Great, and you stole the Emperor’s Chair from Jedi along with a Star Wars theme and set.  Do you have any original concepts?

-It’s just all soooooo stupid, so exceedingly stupid.

-ha-HA he stepped off a van and into shit!

-A Marlon Brando Godfather impression, you know, for the kids!

-A Predator reference complete with Predator “clicking” sound effect, you know, for the kids!

The Ugly:

-The “comic style” illustrated sequences look like shit.

-I think there’s supposed to be muscle tone under their costumes but they look all weird.  Either it’s just disconcerting lumps around their stomach or it looks like their rib cage is protruding through their spandex.

Final Thoughts:  I don’t hate this film, that’s about the highest the praise will get but it doesn’t fit in any one category and not in a good “genre bending” way but in a “there’s too much shit going on” kind of way.  Is it a kid’s film?  Most aspects would point to that but you have references that only die hard movie geeks would get (a lot of Lucas and Spielberg references in the sets and backgrounds), you have a gay joke, the romance is laid on a bit thick and the plot isn’t really exciting.  Maybe kids would like the cartoony sound effects and weird, mostly one dimensional characters, but the adults that would get the majority of references would be too bored by everything else.  It just sits in that limbo state, it’s too kiddy to appeal to older viewers that might get the references and enjoy the more “adult” aspects, too adult for little kids (if all they need is sound and flashing lights you can do better than this) and too stupid for any adult that might be watching it with their family.  There’s very little in the way of story or characterization and the humor gets sooooo tiresome after a while with nothing to back it up.

            I will say this for the positive, it’s competently shot, it’s decently edited and it’s well acted, those are its saving graces despite a brain dead script.  While I did get a few chuckles from watching this movie there just isn’t enough there to recommend it to anyone but the few laughs it gave me earned it one point as it wasn't totally soulless like some movies.

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