Fantastic Four (2015) Theatrical Release

Fuck the Haters

Plot:  A-hole Reed Richards irreparably deforms three of his closest friends and some vaguely foreign guy.

Score: 4 out of 5 Limbs That You Can Stretch Impossibly

Review:  I think the first thing I have to do is justify my score because I think that's what people are going to bust my balls the most about.  I liked this movie, I read a lot of hate about this movie, I read a lot of hate in the months leading up to this movie.  In many ways I think people were programmed to hate this movie which lead to a lot of stupid nit picking.  I'm not above nit picking but I typically only start nit picking when there is nothing else for my brain to hold on to.  If there is nothing of value beneath the surface than I have no choice but to focus on the surface.  So I went into this movie as open as I possibly could be, critical but open.  When so many people demand that you feel a particular way about something I think it's important to examine why.  Alright, the score.  The movie, at it's objective core, is well shot, well edited, for the most part well paced and well acted.  The scenes are composed well and I can't take anything away from the principal cast because every single one of them did the best job they could and that's obvious and any weakness in the script, I feel, is more than made up for by everything else they did well.  Just for those core competencies this movie gets a 3 out of 5.  I give it the extra point because it tried for something different.  It's success is up for debate but because it tried for something different it gets an automatic point.

If I Made It: Friday the 13th Game

Outline:  A while back I was watching the Angry Videogame Nerd review of Friday the 13th (and the following James and Mike Monday playthrough) and I believe they mentioned how hard it is to make a game out Friday the 13th.  So, I started thinking about how I would make it.  Like most interactive media it's important to encapsulate the feel of the thing you are mimicking.  Granted, the NES was a little limited in the experience it could create but with today's technology I think you could create large, open set-piece environments with AI mechanics that think and behave like characters in a horror movie.  This game would focus more on survival and AI than huge fights and throwing rocks at birds.

Let's Talk About Race/Gender/Sexuality in Comics... Again...

  I would like to start this off with this thing from the Onion which, in the title alone, sums up how ridiculous I find naysayers of color blind casting:

Comic Book Fans Adamant That Human Torch be Played by Actor Whose Body Actually Engulfed in Flames

  So, would that be better?  I mean really if your going to complain about the actor who plays the character why not complain that the Human Torch isn't being played by a man on fire or that the actor playing The Thing isn't a giant craggy rock monster?

  On to what I'm really here about.  Good news everybody!  Stan Lee says to create new ethnic characters!  And if you won't do it HE will!  So don't worry roughly 100 million non-white members of the population, your ethnicity will be proudly represented by this old, rich white guy who was last culturally aware back when segregation was a thing and was a voting adult through the Civil Rights.  Clearly he's the person to rally behind.  It's not that I don't like Stan Lee but I think we might give him too much credit, somehow we've made him the King of comics and I don't know if that's entirely earned or not.  It may not be entirely unearned but I think we need to be careful about who we assign crowns to and why.

  So let's talk about race in comic books, again, sorted, in no particular order, by the dumb ass statements I see.  I primarily use the word and concept of race in the examples below but the word race could be interchanged with gender/ethnicity/religion/sexuality.  I tried to stick to one concept to make things easier.

If I Made It: Comic Reform

  I was thinking about comics this morning, as I often do, mostly about the industry of comics and how there is just so much stuff out there.  I don't really think that makes things better, I think it ends up diluting your product.  I think, from a logical standpoint, it makes more sense to have fewer things across more mediums than a lot of things in one medium.  The most important thing to remember is that comic books, and their related intellectual property, is an industry now and not a business.  A business is a mom and pop stationary store.  If stationary dries up, as long as they have the store front, they can change things up and sell something different or find another job is something retail related.

  An industry needs to self perpetuating and being that means you can't eat your customers or yourself for the sake of profit.  The idea of an industry is you take less profit initially so you make more money over time because if your industry collapses nobody has a job anymore.  If your stationary store goes under you can still find a job in the 'retail industry'.  If the retail industry goes away you can't suddenly get a job in healthcare.  So you have to ensure the security of your people and even your competitors by not salting the earth for everybody.  Since I know Marvel the best I'll be using Marvel in my examples but I'm not really criticizing Marvel or any particular brand.  This is just how I would do it if someone gave me full control over a major brand in the industry.

Planning

  In January of every year I would take two weeks and sit down with everyone to hash out a plan for the year.  The plan isn't set in stone but it would act as a guide.  This would be the time for all the departments to talk and plan.  What are our movies doing?  What should we do to support it?  How should comics, TV and movies tie-in?  How can we support that with merchandise?  What are our titles coming out this year?  Who's working on them?  What are we building to?  What are our character arcs?

Happy Birthday Lea Thompson!

Happy Birthday

  I saw this in my Facebook feed and thought I'd write a post because she has been a huge part of my own youth having grown up along side her career.  Back to the Future and Caroline in the City being two major things in her career that I enjoyed the hell out of.  But because I'm a huge Howard the Duck fan I thought I would celebrate it by posting this recent interview where she talks, briefly, about shooting Howard the Duck.  She initially describes it as 'painful' but goes on to say some nice things.  She is also a Minnesota native, like myself, so there is much love there.

  I also want to point out that the soundtrack was written by the incredible Thomas Dolby and performed by Lea Thompson as the lead singer of Cherry Bomb.  The title song, which was part of the movies finale, was the result of Dolby collaborating with George Clinton who was the head speaker of the Parliament Funkadelic and sung by Lea Thompson!  Say what you will about the movie but the soundtrack was a pretty good bit of late 80's New Wave and Lea Thompson was very competent as the lead singer of Cherry Bomb.  Lady Thompson if you ever want to give an exhaustive interview of your Howard the Duck experience I would be happy to do that.  If I could I'd interview everyone involved with that movie.  If I could get the people I would do all Howard the Duck podcast series.  Thank you for all your work Lea Thompson!

If I Made It: Flash season finale and Season 2

Welp, the Flash finale happened.  As I tweeted it was about 40 minutes of meh, 3 minutes of Holy Shit! and 1 minute of WTF?  It was mostly underwhelming except for one great scene towards the end.  The season ended on a cliffhanger, which I didn't really appreciate, cementing this as probably the worst year for CW finales.  While the Arrow finale was way too final this one wasn't final enough.  The episode was largely relationship nonsense that included a wedding that nobody cared about and didn't leave room for a satisfying ending.  While the ending was definitely open it wasn't open in any kind of compelling way and didn't set up the next season at all.  After seeing this I was left deeply unsatisfied and critical and the step after criticism, for me anyway, is improvement.  My brain asks me "Well, if you're so smart what would YOU do better?" this is what I would do better:

Avengers: Age of Ultron, Joss Whedon, Black Widow and Death Threats

 

Apparently the most offensive, sexist, racist, homophobic movie ever made by man.
As long as you don't count Birth of a Nation

  What is it about me that I like to see break downs in communication?  I like to examine them and see if I can understand them.  Sometimes they make me mad, sometimes they make me confused.  Sometimes I need to yell about it, sometimes I like to just talk about it.  Ultimately though I like talking about stuff like this because I think talking about it is key to understanding it and understanding it is very, very important.

  So let us start here:

People are Mad at Joss Whedon (Apparently)

Stupid Audio Trainwreck Episode 3!

Back because nobody demanded it The Stupid Audio Trainwreck! This episode we try to get caught up on all the stuff I missed due to getting Whooping Cough! Working retail is a cesspool of germs. I talk everything I missed from 2/22-3/15 which includes blog updates and comic reviews over at Comic Bastards.

I talk about meeting creator Irwin Hasen who sadly passed away recently. Dan 'The Man' Local Legend Jurgens. And Tony S. Daniel. As well my experience getting art from two others. See how many times I mispronounce names!

Finally, I do a quick If I Made It about Gotham instead of the 40 minute monstrosity I originally made.

It's raw, it's unedited and it's entirely lacking in professionalism!

Music:
Face it Tiger - The Mary Janes (or Married With Sea Monsters)
Threshold - Sex Bob-omb
Batdance - Prince
Scott Pilgrim Anthem - Anamanaguchi

Tank Girl (1995) Netflix

Pictured: 'Tank' and 'Girl'

Rating: 4 out of 5 Self Aware Tanks Fighting Evil Corporations

Plot Synopsis:  Well, there’s this tank… and there’s this girl… and well they come together…

50 Shades of MODOK (redux)

I took another run at 50 Shades of MODOK for our friends at Comic Bastards.  Thanks to them for hosting it and thanks to my friend DJ for helping record it and making it better.

Justice League: Throne of Atlantis (2014) Blu-Ray

More like Throne of Atlant-ass, amiright!

Rating:  2 out of 5

Plot Synopsis:  Jerk asses are jerks but this time it’s underwater.

Stupid Audio Trainwreck ep 2

The second episode comes screaming at you from the depths of obscurity! This episode I talk about what went up on my blog (Top Tenth: Grim and Gritty A-holes, Iron Man/Captain America: Heroes United). I mention what I reviewed over at Comic Bastards: Abe Sapien #20, Frank Thorne's Red Sonja art book, Creepy vol. 21, GI Joe #5, Legenderry Red Sonja #1, Q2 #5, Art of Army of Darkness, Flash 1.13, Agent Carter 1.6

Then I talk about If I Made It: Superman's New Power!

Music:
Sunshine Superman - Donovan, Sunshine Superman, 1966
Kryptonite - 2 Doors Down, The Better Life 2000
Superman - Bush, Golden State, 2001

Iron Man & Captain America: Heroes United (2014) Netflix

More like *stupid* Heroes United, amiright?

Rating: 1 out of 5 Iron Men United With Random Jabroni’s

Plot Synopsis:  Iron Man is united with heroes.  This time it’s Captain America.  Villains are also united and it’s Taskmaster and Red Skull.  Red Skull is kind of latched on to that whole ‘perfect race’ thing and tries to make one using Captain America’s blood.  It doesn't go well for anyone, audience included.

Top Tenth of the Month: Who Watches the Dark Knight Returns!

Top Ten Grim and Gritty Assholes

I literally typed "Grim and Gritty Asshole" into Google images and this is what I got

The Concept:  When the 90's came around people decided that Alan Moore and Frank Miller knew what was up.  Things like humor, optimism and colors were out.  What was in was dark colors, crushing nihilism and stubble.  That's what's "adult" and there's nothing more a bunch of pubescent kids want more that to be "adults".  So, when Watchmen and Dark Knight Returns sold all the comics the major companies, of course, decided to completely misunderstand what was happening and scramble over each other to create garbage.

In this case being the worst is
still just the worst

10)  Fate

--Who They Are:  Jared Stevens is a smuggler.  Because Han Solo was a Smuggler and he was pretty cool right?

--Why They’re 10:  Fate is a joke.  He is the poster boy for shitty Grim and Gritty make-overs.  When people make fun of the Grim and Gritty era this is what they are making fun of.  Everything about Fate just seems calculated to hit all those notes.  A person with a morally ambiguous career and a gray moral compass takes the traditional trappings of an established concept and changes them into something "cool".  Also he has multicolored hair and tattoos.  To prove how bad-ass he is Fate melted down the sacred helmet and amulet of Nabu into a knife and throwing ankh's.  Then when he was approached by an actual authority figure he told "The Man" to suck it while he went off on his own.  Fate is everything stupid about the G&G fad.

Fancy Deadpool's Stupid Audio Trainwreck episode 1

My first attempt at a podcast!

The inaugural podcast of Hung Up On Superheroes! I talk about me! The blog! Plans for the blog! My reviews for Comic Bastards (Legenderry Vampirella #1, Jungle Jim #1, White Queen #1, Shaft #3, X-O Manowar #33, Goon #50, Postal #1, Army of Darkness: Ash In Space #3, Squirrel Girl #2, Superman #38, Flash 1.12, Agent Carter 1.5)! Then I tear apart White Queen #1!

Featured Music:
Ego, The Living Planet - Monster Magnet
Hero - Childish Gambino
Joker's Wild - The Ventures

Iron Man & Hulk: Heroes United (2013) Netflix

Wasted potential Bros!

Rating:  2 out of 5 Practically Anonymous Hydra Scientists

Plot Synopsis:  Hulk gets captured.  Hulk is used as a power source.  Then things get really stupid.

The Batman/Superman Movie: World’s Finest (1996) DVD

Worlds Finest and Worlds Worst

Rating:  3 out of 5 progressively larger robots of destruction

Plot Synopsis:  Batman and Superman team up.  They are the World’s Finest.  Joker and Lex Luthor team up.  They are not.

Wanted: Weapons of Fate (2009) Xbox 360

"Wanted" is a bit of a stretch

Rating:  3 out of 5 bullets with your name on it curved at your head.

Plot Synopsis:  The game picks up shortly after the end of the movie.  Wesley is being hunted by a different fraternity (the Paris one to be exact) which causes him to shoot up parts of Chicago and Europe in his attempt to stop The Immortal who he blames for killing his mother.  You play in flashback scenes as Wesley’s father Cross who also, surprise, shoots things.

Blog is Back!

  The blog is back.  I've got some time on my hands again and this time I'm going to try making a living at this whole "writing" thing.  To that end tomorrow there will be two updates.  These are two movies from WAAAAAAAY back in the vaults.  They were emergency reviews I was saving for when I didn't have time to watch or write anything right before the hiatus before last.  I'm posting them both because they are the last reviews written in the old style.  I'm trying a new format, it keeps the Good/Bad/Ugly style but now it runs more linear with the movie.  That was the biggest issue with the old style and it is painfully obvious in the Elektra review.  So, I'm trying something new and it starts with Iron Man and Hulk: Heroes United.

  Also new is the fact that I'm featured over at Comic Bastards under my real name.  My situation is such that I don't have to actively hide my identity anymore so I guess it doesn't matter if my real name is out there and associated with this.  I'll still be posting here as Fancy Deadpool.  My writing persona is not that different but in the video's I'm a different person and those views don't necessarily reflect my own.  I review primarily comics there but also The Flash tv show, Agent Carter and Marvel Agents of SHIELD, when it comes back, on a weekly basis.  So go there if you don't get enough of me here.

  Speaking of video's, I have a YouTube channel now!  It's Fancy Deadpool's Stupid Comic Video Tramp Shack.  There are a couple editing projects that I've done in the past plus my first movie "review".  I use that word in the loosest sense.  I'm going to try it and see how it works and maybe I'll keep doing them depending on feedback.  The next movie I have in mind is Swordfish the Hugh Jackman, John Travolta, Halle Berry film with special guest star Halle Berry's boobs.  For the most part it probably won't be comic movies but rather movies that star actors who have played comic characters.  I learned a lot from the last video and I'm going to try and make the next one better.  It's a process.

  There's also the neglected Facebook page: Fancy Deadpool's Stupid Comic Tramp Shack.  Hopefully all these links work, they all test okay.  I'm going to start posting more random pictures there.  I think that's where Cosplay Wednesday and Fan Film Friday are going to end up.  I'm not sure yet though.

  Finally there's Twitter where I'm @fancydeadpool.

  So, that's what's going on.  Go to Comic Bastards if you want to see me review fresh comics and shows each week.  But be sure to come back each week there will be a review written in my own style, Top Tenth of the Month, editorials and essays if I have the time.  I'm thinking of doing a brief digest of all the comic shows I watch in a week where I just review everything at once giving a paragraph or two for each.  Plus videos and, hopefully soon, a podcast or two.  If you like what you read and/or see please support me, I appreciate every view or reader I get, now more than ever.  Thank you.

If I Made It (quickly) X-Men TV series

Comic Book Resources: FOX NETWORK CONFIRMS PLANS FOR AN "X-MEN" TV SERIES

  Great news!  An X-Men TV series could be fun.  Just one problem, you can't get any A-List movie talent and the budget you'd get for one movie you now have to spread across 13-22 episodes.  So you have to pick mutants that are inexpensive to portray with new or TV talent that you can save money on as well as concepts that are easy on the budget.  Here's how I would do it.

Show:  Xavier Academy

Characters:

-Molly Hayes - the new student to Xavier Academy and the audience surrogate.  Just learning how to handle her immense strength based powers.

--Dorm Mates, these students share the same dorm floor as Molly and act as her first group of friends

-Dust - Molly's Muslim roommate and a total cultural and personality opposite.  She's been there only a few semesters when Molly shows up so she's more adjusted than Molly but still adjusting herself.

-Artie and Leech - Inseparable roommates/best friends/Xavier veterans.  They are well liked and relatively popular.  They are upper classmen and in charge of the dorm and therefore in charge of welcoming and orienting new classmen.

-Karma - fellow classmate but due to her unique powers she has a different set of classes.  She is more aligned with the "magic clique" and is distant from Dust and Molly.

-Marrow - former Marauder and now resident student.  She has anger management issues and talks about her mentor sessions with Wolverine but we never see Wolverine.  There's a lot of comedy in her transition from sewer dwelling extremist to living with normal people in a normal environment, some common things just don't make sense to her.  She has a problem flushing toilets because she knows where it goes and doesn't want to do that to her Marauder's still living in the sewers.  She still identifies as a Marauder.

-Beak - everyone's favorite chicken mutant, he's been there a year already, his mutation also separates him from the "normal" looking classmates.  His appearance and separation does give him a relationship with Artie and Leech due to having similar physical mutations, they all attend Chamber's support group together.

Fancy Deadpool Barely Remembers - The Prestige

Something different for this week, my first video review!  I, once again, have found myself with more time on my hands so I thought I'd start doing stuff for the blog again.  Hopefully that will mean more reviews, including more video stuff.

I also have a YouTube channel now with some of the small editing projects I've posted here in the past and you can check that out here:

Fancy Deadpool's Stupid Video Comic Tramp Shack