Rating: 3 out of 5 mechanical nuclear tentacles
Plot Synopsis: Peter Parker is still having a rough time, because apparently that’s the only time he can have. When things can’t get any worse he has a total “I swear, this never happens to me” moments when his powers fail and instead of waiting 15 minutes and trying again he just up and quits. But Doctor Octopus terrorizes the city so it’s time to man the crap up and do what only a Spider-Man can.
The Good:
-Peter Parker pizza delivery service
-Hey look its Emily Deschanel aaaannnnd she’s gone
-Peter doing laundry. After washing his Spidey suit in a public laundromat (WTF?) he finds the dye has bled onto his other cloths
-Peter Parker the sad sack. Nothing goes right for this guy and it’s funny every single time.
-Bruce Campbell, again.
-Spidey in an elevator, his awkward interaction with some dude in an elevator after his powers fail him and he has to get to ground floor the old fashioned way is a priceless Spidey moment.
-The rise of Dr. Octopus, up until the final NOOOOO it’s a great scene of the doctors tentacles going into a self preservation motivated kill frenzy
-Ted Raimi, he’s really a highlight in the brief moments he’s in in all the films
-Talk Soup reunion, you got Hal Sparks AND Joel McHale making cameos
-Doc Ock’s tentacles, they really mangaed to give them all personalities, not really distinct personalities but personalities none the less
-Alfred Molina, not the character he plays because Doctor Octopus is really terribly written. Alfred Molina is a great actor and does the best he can with what he’s given and he looks like he’s at least having fun. Plus he just looks cool as the good doctor, especially right before he robs the bank
-Peter Parker, normal Joe, when he gives up being Spider-Man there’s a great montage of Pete just being normal
-Willem Dafoe in a totally awesome cameo at the end
-The set up for a new Goblin
-Harry wearing a green bowtie at the wedding scene
-The action scenes are pretty solid, especially the fights between Spidey and Doc Ock and of those especially the subway fight.
The Bad:
-Harry’s head of Special Projects at Oscorp. What the hell? Norman got booted last movie and Harry has no background in science or engineering...or business for that matter
-My beloved wife! NOOOOOOO! Blargh rawr rawr ra hurr bla!
-Franco’s acting, what the hell James? You are so much better than this.
-Sterile surgical chainsaw
-That stupid fucking butler, god damn I hate that guy
-John Jameson, what the hell is the point of him? It seems his sole defining characteristic is that he was an astronaut. When he is introduced it is at an observatory and it’s also mentioned by the MC, then when we see him again he’s wearing a NASA shirt and references the moon in one of the few lines of dialog he actually has. Yet this guy is going to marry Mary Jane
The Ugly:
-“What have we been talking about the last hour and a half?” I don’t know Dr. Octagonapus but thank you for establishing a time line
-“It’s a web!” no shit? Really? In a city that supports an arachnid themed super hero? No way!
-Otto’s icebreaker, who wrote that crap?
-“This is a breakthrough beyond you fathers wildest dreams.” thank you random old white business man, I live to make you proud
-Does Doctor Octopus know how doors work? Cause there is nothing in this movie that suggests he does.
Final Thoughts: This movie has more wrong with it than Spider-Man 3. There are way more small things that bug the crap out me in this movie but there’s just something about it that makes it ultimately enjoyable. The movie is mostly coherent, it’s pretty solid from start to finish, it just isn’t polished. There’s a charm and likability in this movie that is completely gone by 3. There are a lot of little bad things but it’s outweighed by the many medium good things.
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