Your time shall come...

Spider- Man (2002) DVD

Rating: 4 out 5 pumpkin bombs thrown at your beloved aunt

Plot Synopsis:  Nerdy Peter Parker has a rough life.  This all changes when he’s bitten by a radioactive spider and instead of dying a horrible, horrible death embodies all the powers of the spider without even the smallest amount of necrosis and goes from awkward teenager to angry teenager to fun loving super hero.

Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (2012) Theatrical Release

Rating: 4 out 5 redeemed anti-Christ’s

Plot Synopsis:  Johnny Blaze is trying to escape the Rider.  He runs away into Eastern Europe where he is found by a drunken priest and asked to protect a kid who will become the new vessel for the devil on Earth and if it’s not stopped the world will fall into hell.  Since the world is where he keeps all his stuff he goes and saves himself a kid.

Ghost Rider (2007) Blu-Ray Extended Cut

Rating: 3 out 5 flaming skulls

Plot Synopsis:  Johnny Blaze is a death defying super stuntman.  Sort of like Super Dave Osborn, if Super Dave Osborn had received special powers for selling himself to the devil and damning his eternal soul to hell instead of 15 minutes of quasi fame in the 90’s.  He’s on a mission to stop Peter Fonda (playing himself).

Ghost Rider (2007) PS2 Game

Rating: 2 out 5 chain whips

Plot Synopsis:  It’s really kinda bullshit.  But I guess the Devil threatens Johnny’s girlfriend with something, there’s something about Blackhearts body.  Also Blade get’s involved.  I’ve played most of the game and I have no idea what the hell is happening, I just beat dudes with a chain and shoot them in the face with a shotgun.

Ghost Rider Commentary

       Ghost Rider was one of the first heroes that I was into.  I remember Ghost Rider being relevant to me as far back as grade school, he was one of the “mystical” heroes that I wasn’t really into but I loved how he looked and the idea of a flaming skull biker, plus it gave me a reason to say “hell” without getting in trouble.  At the time the X-Men were my favorite group with Wolverine being my favorite individual (a love that eventually got my nose broken, but I digress). When the neighborhood kids and I would get together in my back yard and play super hero on our screen house platform (basically a raised platform that we would erect a screen house on during the summer but was bare most of the year) we would pick teams and Ghost Rider was always on my team.  Now the way we played was this: you brought your cards, you picked a team of 4 or 5 cards and then you would pretend to be those characters and tag in another character when one was about to die, we predated Pokemon AND Marvel vs Capcom.  Then we would enact massive pretend melees on the platform and if there were any questions about powers or what the characters could do you went to the cards and argued it like gentlemen.  Of course by gentleman I mean angry pre pubescent boys.  So I would be Ghost Rider and I’d use a length of rope or my dogs chain either gently flicking it or missing by a mile while the others would react as if they were really being hit with a chain of hellfire and then I would do the same for them when they threw a Frisbee as Captain America’s shield or a wide swing with a rubber mallet as Thor’s hammer.  We would do this for hours.